It wasn’t very difficult for me to notice the similarities between myself and the objects of these poets’ raptures. To think of myself as existing in the sensual realm. I spent a lot of time in self-chastisement for those thoughts. But it was futile. I simply found too much beauty in the sensual realm. And I thought that if God doesn’t want man to delight in the beauty of his creation, why did he make it beautiful in the first place?
I discussed this with the sisters, with the mother superior, with the monsignor, but all they could advise me with was more self-chastisement. I came to realize pure devotion to the service of God was something that was possible only for a chosen few.